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Mastering The Art of Reading People and How You Can Do It Too
When I first started reading/listening to “The Laws of Human Nature” by Robert Greene, I had no idea I would be as intrigued as I was. I mean granted, I’ve been studying psychology pretty much all my life. With my personality type being INFJ, reading body language and discerning my intuition is like second nature to me. To be able to understand what someone is saying without them actually saying it is a wonderful skill to master. I would like to share with you my thoughts on how you can master the art of reading people through body language. Remember, It’s not what people say but it’s what they DON’T say that should catch your attention. Listen attentively to what others say but watch their movements as well if you want to truly figure out what it is that they are actually saying.
Reading Body Language 101: Observational Skills
The only way to truly become adept at reading people is to analyze and observe. This will allow you to discern the movements of other people to conclude whether they are truly being genuine with their words or not. To increase your observational skills, you have to practice and test your theories. If you believe that you’re picking up on something energy-wise, then it’s almost always best to probe further. Energy does not lie, and it is usually the first sign that we pick up on when interacting with other individuals.
Through energy, we can often tell whether a person is mad, angry, sad, or perhaps all of the above. We can use energy to discern an individual mood and we can use proximity to discern their level of comfortability when they are around us. Facial expressions, proximity, tone of voice, certain body movements as well as eye movement, are all things that we can use to read and detect a person’s true feelings about us. Let’s dive a little deeper into how we can utilize these things to discern what exactly we should look for when reading the body language of others.
Facial Expressions
Reading facial expressions is literally my favorite go-to when reading body language. We can’t see our faces when we’re talking to someone and because of this, we often flash our true feelings about something or someone through micro facial expressions. These expressions can sometimes last for only a fraction of a second, which is why we may not always notice them. Below is a short list of facial expressions that you can watch out for and what they may or may not indicate depending on the situation.
- Smiling- If someone smiles at you and the smile does not contain crow’s feet and includes the actual cheekbones rising, chances are the smile is fake. Perhaps they are not that happy to see you or there’s something else going on.
- Eyebrows- The raising of the eyebrows could indicate genuine interest or curiosity in something. If someone raises their eyebrows during a conversation with you, it could mean that they are attentively listening and are interested or curious about what’s being said.
- Nose- A lot of people miss this one but the flaring of the nose is a wonderful indicator of irritation or aggression. How do I know? This gesture is one of my mom’s favorite to employ when she’s irritated about something. The next time you’re out and about, watch a parent who’s irritated with their child, and I guarantee that you will catch a nose flare or two, sometimes along with clenched teeth.
- Lips- This one can be a little difficult to detect but my favorite thing to watch when looking a the lips are little sly corners of the mouth smirks that can indicate hidden agendas or disbelief in what you are saying. Context definitely matters here but I’m generally not trusting of any smile that’s not a full genuine smile.
Proximity
Our personal space is just that, our personal space. We often don’t enjoy being in the space of others that we do not care for and we certainly don’t want them in our space. That’s why I like to pay attention to proximity when it comes to discerning whether a person is truly comfortable around me or not. If someone is truly comfortable around you, chances are they won’t mind being in your personal space or better yet, they may even be taking a liking to you given the situation. We should always pay attention to our proximity to others because proximity often brings out the true feelings of an individual. Energy is amplified 100x more when we are near someone.
Tone of Voice
The tone of voice is hard to control, take it from a recording artist herself. Especially the pitch, unless you’ve had some practice you’re not catching the changes in the tone of a person’s voice mid-conversation. Unless you’re keenly observing them that is. If you pay enough attention to a person’s voice, you can separate the confident from the insecure in a heartbeat. Generally, those who are confident will have calmer voices with an assertive tone that’s not overly dominant. The insecure will generally have a lower tone of voice, signaling their feelings of inferiority or lack of confidence within themselves. Don’t be fooled though because the insecure can also be the loudest person in the room. It will usually be in a more dominant manner though. Being loud and being assertive are two different things.
Changes in the tone of voice during mid-conversation can be a good indication of an overall mood change. If a person is happy to talk with you and see you, then their voice may carry a higher pitch, signaling feelings of excitement. However, if they are starting to get annoyed or bored with the conversation, then their tone of voice may lower or sound uninterested while seeming disengaged. Again, context always matters here.
Body Movement
We all have our little quirks and idiosyncrasies that make us who we are. We all also have certain body movements that we frequently express nonverbally that translate our feelings in real-time. Body movements and certain posture during conversations can tell a lot about a person’s mood, how they feel about you, and the quality of the conversation. Below are a few gestures to look out for when trying to discern whether someone is genuinely interested in being around you and talking with you.
Showing Interest/Likeness
- Feet and Body pointed towards you during the conversation signaling genuine interest
- Frequent head nods and smiling indicating attentiveness to what’s being said
- Eye contact but not for too long as that can be taken as genuine love interest or hostility
- Open palms with relaxed shoulders and body posture. No tensing of the neck, hands, lips, or nose.
Showing Disinterest/Dislike
- Feet and Body pointed away from you during the conversation
- Tensing of the facial muscles especially around the lips and mouth area. A microexpression of a scrunched-up nose could indicate further feelings of disgust.
- Clenched hands/fists and crossed legs could indicate feelings of anxiety or being closed off.
- Lack of genuine smiles that contain “crows feet”
A good tip to keep in mind when observing body movements is that for one, not everyone will exhibit the same mannerisms when expressing their true feelings. For example, a person standing with their arms crossed has been known to send signals that the person may be closed off. However, I myself can attest that this isn’t always true because I’m a person who frequently stands with my arms crossed. For me, it’s just the way that I maintain good posture. I often stand like that during conversations as well, I just enjoy standing that way. Always look for other body language indicators to effectively come to a conclusion. The more you can identify, the better your analysis will be.
Eye Movement
I’m not big on eye contact, it makes me uncomfortable to just stare people in the eyes. I’m an introvert, if I look you directly in the eyes I’m going to read your soul. In a good way of course, but I much rather enjoy watching your eyes move instead. Eye movement can tell you a lot about a person. It can tell you whether they are interested in you, whether they are anxious or not, if they are being attentive, if they are comfortable around you, if they are being dishonest, etc.
Two things that I like to watch for when it comes to eye movement are excessive blinking and shifty eyes (rapid eye movement from left to right). In my experience, shifty eyes are a good sign of either dishonesty or anxiety. Excessive blinking can indicate a sense of discomfort if no underlying medical condition is to blame. If you’re comfortable with lots of eye contact, look for dilated pupils as this can indicate genuine interest or excitement about something or someone. I believe that the eyes are a portal to our soul. Captivating at best, the eyes are a blissful creation.
Most of us are skillfully aware of how to discern basic body language cues. However, there are actually two other ways of reading people that can help us discern a person’s character as well. These two methods are reading into a person’s deviations and patterns. Let’s discuss the ways in which I use deviations and patterns to learn more about a person’s character through observation. Utilizing a person’s patterns and deviations is a great way to observe a person’s true character. We are all creatures of habit so we are wired to repeat the same things that we’ve learned over time. This is probably why the saying “When they show you who they are, believe them” is so popular.
Patterns and Deviations
When observing humans, you will notice that every one of us has unique patterns. How we communicate with others, how we wake up in the morning, the way we get dressed and how we eat are all patterns that we fall into on a daily basis. We also each have certain mannerisms that go along with our daily patterns. The manner in which we do things reveals exactly who we are subconsciously and unconsciously and often we don’t realize this. That’s why utilizing a person’s patterns and when they deviate from them, can be a good way to know when something is up.
When I am observing a person they deviate from their normal pattern of behavior. That lets me know that there is some underlying reason for the deviation and it’s up to me to figure it out. This is the art of reading people, you notice a behavior and then you try to dissect it. You can test your theories by asking questions to see if what you’re alluding to is actually correct. Generally, a sudden change from a routine or certain idiosyncrasy relays that there is a said reason for the change.
A good example of this would be a spouse switching up their bathing routine, or a college athlete suddenly switching the location that they’ve been frequently training at. Your goal as the observer is to ask and figure out the reasoning behind the deviation. Patterns are set for a reason so when one deviates from their usual pattern, you better bet there’s a reason rather it be good or bad.
To effectively read the body language of others, we have to be good at observing. To be adept at observing means that we have to practice being present. When we are present, we can pay more attention to our surroundings. We can learn about other people through their behaviors and how they appear to us in the real world. Reading body language is an art, a skill to be mastered and practiced.
If you would like to learn more about reading body language, I suggest you read up on Joe Navarro and Paul Ekman. Two body language experts who have been studying nonverbal behavior for decades. You shouldn’t just listen to what a person says because we can say anything and not mean it. In addition to listening to what a person says, read their body language in tandem to see if the two are actually in sync with one another. If they are not, then that is a sure sign that something is up and you need to figure out what it is that they are saying.
I Hope You Enjoyed This Article and Thank-You For Reading! =)