After you finish reading this article, I believe you will have gained some effective knowledge that you can use, when it comes to dealing with difficult individuals. We all know that someone. That person that just has to complain, every time you guys go out somewhere. That person who asks for advice, only to give you a million reasons why “the advice” that you’ve given them won’t work. The defeatist who sees only the negative aspects of things, I mean I can go on and on but I’m sure you get the point by now. At some point in our lives, we always knew that we’d come across a difficult or toxic person. However, what the majority of us haven’t learned is how to effectively communicate and tolerate such people. Ask yourself, what are some of the strategies that you employ to deal with difficult people or situations? Do you withdraw? Do you modestly ignore them? Do you belittle them? These questions are here for you to gain insight into yourself, and how you effectively deal with difficult people. Ruminate a bit before continuing to read this article.
First off, know that we can all have moments when we’re difficult to get along with and that’s okay. What’s not okay though, is to be so difficult to converse or engage with, that most people find you intolerable to be around. I have always said this; The most positive trait that one can possess has to be the ability to COMPROMISE. If you can learn to compromise and seek change when needed, then the world is literally at your helm. Having great relationships in your life has been proven to increase your happiness exponentially. I mean after all, if we are surrounded by positive happy people, then we are bound to reap some of that good energy as well. This is why they say to be mindful of the company that you keep. Dealing with difficult people can be emotionally draining, but it’s also a great learning experience. Each time you engage with someone who is rather difficult, you increase the emotional capacity in which you can deal with such people.
What exactly classifies someone as a difficult person though? Let’s go over a few but not all the characteristics that I think we all can agree will drive you nuts each and every time you encounter a person like this. Then I’ll give my advice on how you can deal with those people because I don’t believe in just cutting difficult people off and well sometimes, we just can’t because they may be someone close to us who we love dearly. But by all means, do not allow yourself to give more than you can emotionally handle. You have to assess the relationship for what it is.
- The Negative Nancy/Defeatist
One thing about me, I am brutally honest, and I used to be a Negative Nancy. I’ll tell you firsthand that nobody wants to be around a person who sulks all day and refuses to ever see the bright side of things. People like this tend to be emotionally draining, and sometimes it may even bring you down if you’re exposed to the behavior long enough. If you’re like this, you have to work hard to shift that mindset just like I did. It was tough seeing the bright side of things, but the more I practiced and tried to do it, the more it became natural. When dealing with those who may be down or depressed, I don’t feel that it’s wise to shun them, but I feel you should offer support and perhaps a little space.
2. The Indecisive Person
First of all, someone who’s indecisive has more than likely dealt with some kind of trauma in their lives that has led to a lot of fear and anxiety. I say this because the inability to make decisions just stems from low self-esteem, fear, and anxiety. These things cumulatively can make you feel so paralyzed, that the ultimate issue is that you don‘t trust yourself to make decisions or choose the right people. The problem with this though, if you don’t trust yourself to make decisions, then it affects everything around you, especially your relationships. Indecisiveness shows up EVERYWHERE, and I’m not talking about the simple decisions such as whether you would like a latte or not. Indecisiveness also shows up when we encounter anything out of the norm that triggers us in ways that we don’t understand. If we encounter something that just doesn’t seem right, we then start ruminating on what we should do, and that is when anxiety and indecisiveness come into play. Ambivalent people are difficult to deal with because they often drag you into their indecisiveness by stringing you along until they figure out what it is that they actually want; The majority of the time, it isn’t you or what you have to offer because ambivalent people just aren’t ready.
3. The Controlling One; They must have everything their way…
Hi, it’s me, I am the controlling one, lol. Hey, at least I can admit it but I’m working on myself and that’s a plus. Dealing with someone who is controlling and just downright must have everything their way is exhausting. Trust me, I know, I sometimes exhaust myself with the need to control everything. But what’s behind a person who wants to control everything? Yep, you guessed it; Fear makes its appearance again. As someone who wants to control everything out of FEAR if I don’t, the results will not be the same. I can honestly say that those who are controlling probably aren’t doing it out of spite or to show authority, but they are doing it as a protective mechanism. As humans, we sometimes believe that if we control the situation, we can control the outcome and that’s just not true at all. Also, the problem with needing to control everything is that if you always have to be the one to control the narrative then you’re also going to be the person that bears the brunt of that narrative as well. Translation, if the very situation that you are trying to control fails, then you ultimately feel responsible for it. See how that works?
The Magic behind dealing with difficult people.
So, what’s effective when it comes to dealing with difficult people who possess the three traits that we discussed above?
· Negative Nancys
· Indecisive People
· Controlling Individuals
What exactly is the magic that’s involved when it comes to dealing with these ambivalent individuals? The best way to deal with those who insist on making their lives worse while trying to drag you along for the ride,
IS TO SIMPLY MEET THEM EXACTLY WHERE THEY ARE.
Simple yet highly effective; Allow me to expound. We all need to feel some type of power within our lives if we want to feel important. When you decide to meet people where they are instead of demanding or insisting that they change, you allow them to retain the necessary power that they need to self-reflect, while you also maintain the power to establish and protect your boundaries from anything that you feel may disturb your peace. Through dealings with my own difficult cohorts, I have learned that it’s best to show people the way rather than demand that they be one way in order to gain your love and attention. Planting seeds and helping them grow is much better than planting the seed and walking away but by all means if it’s necessary for your own peace of mind, do what Is best for you. However, if you truly want to sustain any healthy relationships throughout your life, you must learn to accept those for who they are and deal with them accordingly. This does not apply to toxic relationships though.
In closing, we often feel that it’s our job to fix people. However, this behavior may drive people away from you, if you continuously try to bestow your beliefs about how life should work upon them. Even if you are correct, from personal experience, I have learned that unwanted advice is just that: Unwanted Advice. Wisdom is best received when the person that you are trying to give it to is in a space where they can actually receive it. Other than that, you’re more than likely beating a dead horse, which is the main reason we establish BOUNDARIES. Before we leave, I want you to ask yourself this question.
Are you helping them become better for themselves, or are you trying to help them become better to be of service to you? Most of us have our own interests and motives when it comes to dealing with others. What are yours?
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